Way back in the 80’s, before Corporate America clamped down on inappropriate behavior in the workplace and tightened up their email systems, we worker bees amused ourselves by sending out not so SFW jokes to our own select groups of friends within the workplace. I, like others, would email the funnier ones to my own non-work email account to share with friends outside the plant.
I went a step further and housed these often insensitive ditties in text files within a folder on my home computer. Over 200 of them. This folder was transferred to every new computer I’ve purchased since.
I was looking for some distraction from all the madness going on, being locked in my home for self protection from the health threat and politics, and remembered this folder. I started cruising through these still humorous text files and started to laugh out loud. So, either put aside your sensitivity and enjoy a few of these, or check out of this post now. I will say I am starting out by picking the very least offensive ones I could find.
A Can of Peaches
An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, “What did you steal?”
She replied: a can of peaches.
The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry.
The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can.
She replied 6.
The judge then said, “I will give you 6 days in jail.”
Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the woman’s husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something. He said, “What is it?”
The husband said “She also stole a can of peas.”
What did he say?
An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, “I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample.”
The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: “WHAT?” “What did he say? What’s he want?”.
His wife yells back, “He needs your underwear.”
A blind man enters a ladies bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair, giving that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I’m a 6 feet tall, 220lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?”
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”
That’s all for today. There will be more later. And before I forget, kudos to Frankie C. for all of these.