Idiots I Paid To Be In My Home

Close friends have heard this true story before but it’s one of my life favorites. As part of a condo refurb, it was time for the flooring guys to come in, a three man crew – a boss and two idiots.  Here’s a conversation that took place mainly between BOSS and IDIOT#1, from separate rooms, yelling at each other. IDIOT#2 does his best to support IDIOT#1.

IDIOT#1:  EDDIE! YOU BOUGHT THE WRONG SANDPAPER FOR THE SANDER!  IT DOESN’T FIT!
IDIOT#2:  He does this shit all the time, man.

(IDIOT#1 struggles with the sander and sandpaper, the sander in his lap and still plugged in, for 20 seconds.)

IDIOT#1:  EDDIE!  EDDIE!  YOU BOUGHT THE WRONG SANDPAPER FOR THE SANDER! YOU GOTTA GO OUT AND BUY THE RIGHT STUFF!
IDIOT#2:  He’s gonna make this your fault, man.  You know it.
BOSS:  NO, I DID NOT.  IT’S THE RIGHT GODDAMN SANDPAPER!

(IDIOT#1 still struggles with the sandpaper, with IDIOT#2 watching him.)

IDIOT#2:  That’s the wrong paper, man.  Try and make it fit.  You know he’s gonna make this your fault, man.
IDIOT#1:  EDDIE!  EDDIE!
BOSS:  JESUS H CHRIST!!

(BOSS, red-faced, storms into the room, grabs the sandpaper from IDIOT#1, turns it 90 degrees, hands it back to IDIOT#1, and quickly storms out.)

IDIOT#1:  EDDIE!  WOW!  IT FITS OK NOW!  THANKS!
IDIOT#2:  I told you, man.  I told you.  He made it your fault.

IDIOT#1 and IDIOT#2 went on to more mayhem.  Next day I washed some dishes and found the garbage disposal was not working.  When a friend pulled the disposal out, we found it was completely seized with the glue compound they used before laying down the new floor.

IDIOT#1 and IDIOT#2 had cleaned off their tools in our kitchen sink.