Close friends have heard this true story before but it’s one of my life favorites. As part of a condo refurb, it was time for the flooring guys to come in, a three man crew – a boss and two idiots. Here’s a conversation that took place mainly between BOSS and IDIOT#1, from separate rooms, yelling at each other. IDIOT#2 does his best to support IDIOT#1.
IDIOT#1: EDDIE! YOU BOUGHT THE WRONG SANDPAPER FOR THE SANDER! IT DOESN’T FIT!
IDIOT#2: He does this shit all the time, man.
(IDIOT#1 struggles with the sander and sandpaper, the sander in his lap and still plugged in, for 20 seconds.)
IDIOT#1: EDDIE! EDDIE! YOU BOUGHT THE WRONG SANDPAPER FOR THE SANDER! YOU GOTTA GO OUT AND BUY THE RIGHT STUFF!
IDIOT#2: He’s gonna make this your fault, man. You know it.
BOSS: NO, I DID NOT. IT’S THE RIGHT GODDAMN SANDPAPER!
(IDIOT#1 still struggles with the sandpaper, with IDIOT#2 watching him.)
IDIOT#2: That’s the wrong paper, man. Try and make it fit. You know he’s gonna make this your fault, man.
IDIOT#1: EDDIE! EDDIE!
BOSS: JESUS H CHRIST!!
(BOSS, red-faced, storms into the room, grabs the sandpaper from IDIOT#1, turns it 90 degrees, hands it back to IDIOT#1, and quickly storms out.)
IDIOT#1: EDDIE! WOW! IT FITS OK NOW! THANKS!
IDIOT#2: I told you, man. I told you. He made it your fault.
IDIOT#1 and IDIOT#2 went on to more mayhem. Next day I washed some dishes and found the garbage disposal was not working. When a friend pulled the disposal out, we found it was completely seized with the glue compound they used before laying down the new floor. IDIOT#1 and IDIOT#2 had cleaned off their tools in our kitchen sink.